From now on, I’ll write a series of confessions from an undevout Roman Catholicâ€”that’s me. I’m posting them here thinking that others may share in my case who is born and groomed Roman Catholic but is experiencing occasional moments of skepticism not towards God but towards the faith system that he has grown up with. In my 39 years, I have crossed nodal points in the way I should express and live my faith in God.The struggle is always there: To try to follow the Roman Catholic traditionsâ€”which in general are too Godly not to observeâ€”while harboring occasional misgivings and rants on Roman Catholicism. No, I’m not in search of a new religion nor thinking of defecting to other faiths. I’ll just try to stick to my divine faith, live the traditions, and somehow help influence not the Vatican but the faith communities I’m in.
I confess that:
- Last Ash Wednesday, I did not go to church to have the sign painted on my forehead. I could have but the sight of a crowd swarming at any church I saw discouraged me to proceed. That day, I was not feeling well; my spirit was willing, but my flesh was weak.
- I watched the DVD of â€œDa Vinci Codeâ€. Actually, doing it added insult to harm I did to Roman Catholicismâ€”I had read that book by Dan Brown. I enjoyed reading and watching the novel and film version, respectively. Frankly, that roused my interest to read up further on the Councils of Nicaea, Mary Magdalene, Leonardo da Vinci, Knights Templar, Opus Dei, among others.
- My family has not heard mass for several Sundays already. Many times have I defied the insistence of my sons that we go to Church. (Martin and Robb have attended Catholic schools, which explains their persistence.)
- I’m carrying a rosary in my pocket but I have not said it for decades. I believe in the power of symbols. I think that the rosary (which I prayed very frequently during my devout school years) is God’s way to protect me from danger.